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How to break out of the unhealthy family patterns?.

Family patterns: Can be patterns of behaviour, words, or feelings that your family regularly uses to communicate and interact with each other.

Our family of origin has a significant impact on how we see ourselves, how we see others, and how we interpret the world. They learn that their feelings and needs are important and can be expressed.

Children who grow up in supportive environments are more likely to form healthy, open relationships in adulthood. However, families may fail to provide for many of their children’s emotional and physical needs. In addition, the families’ communication patterns may severely limit the child’s expressions of feelings and needs.

Children growing up in such families are likely to develop low self-esteem and feel that their needs are not as important or perhaps should not be taken seriously by others. As a result, they may form unsatisfying relationships as adults.

Family patterns.

They can be patterns of behaviour, words, or feelings that your family regularly uses to communicate and interact with each other. They also include previous generations, as we still feel the effects of some of their traditions, structures, and habits.

Unfortunately, family patterns can often become entrenched and difficult to change. If you feel like you’re in a family pattern that is harming you or your family, it may be helpful to seek out professional help.

Some examples of this behavior:

Double bind and paradoxical communication.

In paradoxical behavior, the messages that are communicated are incongruous and ambiguous.
In this way, the child is trapped in a double bind where the same parent appears and communicates a protective attitude, but at the same time devalues ​​him.

For example: “You have to do it yourself, but I’ll do it because you can’t do it.”

Decalcification and disavowal.

Nullifying or minimizing the decisions of a family member implies developing a pattern of disqualifying interaction.

This is a type of pathological communication, which includes the use of annoying nicknames or inappropriate qualifications in order to belittle the other.

Chattering, silences and laughter (not related to humor)

By talking too much, not talking or constantly laughing for no reason, you often avoid facing serious problems.

Family projection.

When children exist as a good of their parents, they lose the ability to build their own selves.


When the child’s demands and needs are met compulsively, parents make it difficult for him to build his own identity.

Inattention and detachment.

Contrary to the above, systematic neglect causes feelings such as helplessness or vulnerability.

Alliances and coalitions

When different family members band together to create conflicts and confront other members, the results are detrimental to all.

However, there are a few things that you can do on your own to try to prevent or break family patterns:

Be observant.

One of the best ways to detect family patterns is to be observant. Pay attention to the way your family behaves and interacts. If you see a pattern emerge, start to pay closer attention to what’s going on. This can help you to identify when family members are communicating or interacting in a particular way.

Share your observations with your family.

If you have noticed a family pattern, it may be helpful to share it with your family. This can help them to acknowledge and understand what’s happening. It can also help them to change the behaviour if it’s causing problems for you or your family.

Challenge family patterns.

If you feel like you’re stuck in a family pattern that’s hurting you, it may be helpful to challenge the pattern. This can involve talking to your family about why you think the pattern is harmful and exploring possible alternatives.

It can also involve cutting ties with toxic family members or avoid certain family events. Setting appropriate boundaries to protect your well-being. Reaching out to professionals and finding resources to understand your family’s toxic patterns.


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