In a recent discussion with Dr. Fiona Vera – Gray, she shed light on her research for the book “Women on Porn.” She pointed out a notable gap in research, particularly in the area of online pornography and its influence on women.
A survey conducted in the United Kingdom found that 45% of British women have difficulty naming all the parts of the vulva. Also revealed that more than a third of participants, regardless of gender, had trouble finding the clitoris.
These findings highlight the importance of understanding the potential consequences in a world where porn websites attract more traffic than Instagram, Netflix, Pinterest and TikTok combined. Interestingly, a leading porn site reported that a third of its users are women.
1. What inspired you to write this book?
I decided to write this book for a few reasons. One of the main inspirations came from my work at a rape crisis center in 2000. During that time, I noticed that young women were discussing their use of pornography, which was surprising because it was typically seen as something only boys were interested in. This sparked my curiosity, and I began researching the topic to see if there was any existing information on women’s use of pornography. To my surprise, I found a significant gap in the research, especially when it came to online pornography and its impact on women. This motivated me to delve deeper and explore how women were navigating the current landscape of easily accessible mainstream pornography. I wanted to understand their experiences and perspectives, which ultimately led me to write this book.
2. How challenging was it for people to open up and share their own personal stories with you?.
– It wasn’t actually that difficult, which was quite surprising. I wasn’t sure how people would respond, because it’s obviously a topic that women don’t talk about a lot… it has a lot of judgement associated with it, whether you use pornography or whether you don’t kind of on both sides, there’s always a lot of judgement and stereotypes about what kinds of women use pornography and what kinds of women don’t use pornography, as well as what kinds of pornography women use. So I wasn’t sure how people would open up.
However, I was pleasantly surprised by the openness and willingness of the women I spoke to.
It seemed like they had been waiting for an opportunity to share their experiences and thoughts on the matter.
As a researcher, these were some of the best interviews I’ve conducted. It’s always fascinating when someone is unsure about their own thoughts on a subject because it allows for exploration and the making of connections across different aspects of their lives. I mean, you probably have done this as well with interviewing. Like it’s great when someone doesn’t quite know what they think about something because they can explore it with you. And it means they’re making connections across different parts of their life.
And that’s the thing that was really surprising and really interesting is that women opened up not just about pornography but also delved into topics like their first sexual encounters, pregnancy, and even divorces. It provided a comprehensive understanding of how pornography intertwined with various aspects of their lives at different points. The level of openness displayed by these women was truly incredible. They were willing to share intimate details on the different ways pornography had impacted their lives. It was a rewarding and enlightening experience to hear their stories and gain a deeper understanding of their perspectives.
“There are always a lot of judgments and stereotypes about what types of women do or don’t watch pornography, as well as what types of pornography women use.”
3. How do you think the experiences shared in the book challenge common stereotypes about women and her sexuality?.
– I really hope that it pushes boundaries because it’s important to recognize the diverse experiences of women. That’s why I chose to feature 100 women, to showcase a wide range of perspectives. Even if I had included 200, 300, or 400 women, you still wouldn’t hear the same stories.
There are common themes and some similarities, but there are also differences. Each woman’s unique background and personality shape how they are impacted by something or how they respond to it. I hope this challenges the misconception that women lack sexual desire or don’t masturbate. Unfortunately, society still doesn’t acknowledge or discuss women’s masturbation for their own pleasure as openly as it does for men and boys. I want to challenge that notion. Additionally, I hope this project challenges the assumption that women who use pornography are always enjoying it.
Through my research, I discovered that many women who use pornography feel conflicted about the representations of women and sex. So, it’s not just about pleasure for them. On the other hand, I also hope this challenges the stereotype that women who don’t use pornography are prudish or sex-negative. The women who shared their reasons for not using pornography emphasized gender equality and their desire to avoid something they perceive as harmful, not just to women and girls, but to our understanding of human sexuality as a whole.
“Each woman’s unique background and personality shape how they are impacted by something or how they respond to it“.
4. Do you believe that future generations will be more open and confident about their sexuality, and more comfortable expressing their desires?.
– I am hopeful for future generations to embrace their sexuality with confidence and openness, and to feel comfortable expressing their desires. However, achieving this goal will require significant effort and dedication. It is disheartening to hear that some women, especially those engaging in sexual activities with men, are not having fulfilling experiences. They are not experiencing pleasure or reaching orgasm. They feel unable to communicate their desires. These women have not had the opportunity to explore their own preferences and are unsure of what they truly enjoy.
Some things they felt were directly coming in from pornography, so things like being spat on, having their hair pulled, having someone come on their face or come on their body. It had just all of a sudden started happening to them and they didn’t feel able to say, hey, I’m not sure about that.
Things that they didn’t necessarily… They hadn’t been able to explore it. Sex where they felt like they were in control of it, sex where they felt like it was theirs and that they could ask for it and kind of lead it . Not having that experience until they were kind of in their mid 20s, for a lot of them somewhat until their 30s.
And I think that it’s probably not going to change in the 20 years between those participants and the next round of people, the next round of women and men coming up, unless we do something really serious.
And what you can see with those younger women with the introduction of the internet and easy access to mainstream pornography, have been exposed to a lot more sexual content than I was at their age. They have seen a wider range of sexual experiences and diverse representations of sexuality, including non-heterosexual encounters. On one hand, you could argue that this exposure might be beneficial. There is research that suggests this.
Recognizing the importance of diverse sexualities in media can help break down traditional norms and promote acceptance of different sexual orientations.However, there is a pressing need for more accurate and positive portrayals of heterosexual relationships, focusing on equality and respect rather than harmful stereotypes.
And so, unless we take action, my feeling is not that we simply create alternative representations and hope that young people stumble upon them. I believe we need to address this issue by actively working towards changing the narrative surrounding sex and sexuality.
It’s crucial for our society to engage in more open and meaningful discussions about what sex truly means, what it doesn’t mean, why we engage in it, what pleasure entails, and the role of women in all of this.
Currently, pornography exists in a social vacuum where there is a lack of dialogue about sex, sexuality, and pleasure from anyone else.
It has taken over as the dominant force in shaping our understanding of sex, which is highly problematic when we consider the messages it conveys about sex and women’s sexuality.We have the potential to positively influence how people perceive different sexualities. This can help dismantle the notion of compulsory heterosexuality that many of us are raised with. However, it’s important to acknowledge that heterosexual girls may not find positive depictions of their own sexuality. Instead, they may encounter portrayals of heterosexuality that emphasize power dynamics, submission, and the humiliation of women, rather than promoting equality and clarity.
“I discovered that many women who use pornography feel conflicted about the representations of women and sex”.
5. There’s a growing movement among adult film directors who are eager to revolutionize the representation of women in porn and classify their productions as “feminist porn.” What’s your opinion on the concept of porn being feminist?.
– I believe that the concept of feminism can vary depending on one’s definition. It’s not always clear-cut to say what is feminist and what isn’t. Feminism, in my opinion, is a way of approaching things and striving to make the world a better place for women. Some representations of sex that focus on women’s pleasure and desire can be seen as a form of ethical pornography. However, we must acknowledge that pornography is a product of a capitalist market. To create a feminist alternative, it requires proper payment for performers, ensuring good working conditions, and depicting sex in a way that may not be widely popular.
There was a woman who once said something that has always stuck with me. She mentioned that there is a hint of non-consent that makes things sexy for her. It made me realize that our culture has conditioned us to find power inequality attractive. Society tells us that it’s sexy for women to be submissive and for men to be dominant. This has influenced our sexual preferences, which is why creating pornography without these representations is challenging. It will naturally be more expensive because fewer people will buy or access it. Additionally, ensuring better working conditions for those involved in its production will also increase the cost. I can’t think of any other consumer product that is created in a more ethical and expensive way. Take fast fashion, for example. You can walk into mainstream high street shops and find shirts for a pound or two. But that price doesn’t even cover the cost of materials, production, or transportation. There is exploitation somewhere along the supply chain to make it that cheap. Yet, many of us still buy it because it’s affordable and we may not have much money. The existence of expensive ethical choices doesn’t mean that these fast fashion shops disappear. Similarly, when it comes to feminist porn, the question isn’t whether it exists or not. It’s more about the relationship between the feminist porn industry and the mainstream porn industry, as well as the relationship between alternative or ethical forms of pornography and the more exploitative mainstream ones.
It’s important to note that fast fashion stores are still around, despite the availability of other options. Similarly, when discussing feminist pornography, we should focus on understanding its relationship with mainstream pornography and the different types of pornography. How do these different forms of pornography interact with each other? Additionally, how can we recognize both ethical alternatives and exploitative mainstream forms? While there may be ethical alternatives out there, it’s crucial to recognize that most people still consume mainstream pornography. However, this doesn’t mean we should ignore the exploitation within it. Instead, we should concentrate on addressing and combating that exploitation. In debates, the existence of alternative pornography is often used to argue that not all porn is bad, which can be a reason to avoid taking action against genuinely harmful content. However, our response should be more nuanced. We should be able to hold both perspectives and acknowledge that while positive and ethical pornography can exist, the reality is that most young people consume mainstream porn because it’s easily accessible. Therefore, it’s crucial to address the issues surrounding mainstream porn and its impact on consumers. It’s now clear that mainstream porn is not without harm, even if it’s as simple as individuals feeling conflicted about their preferences. We must address and seriously consider these impacts.
“Currently, pornography exists in a social vacuum where there is a lack of dialogue about sex, sexuality, and pleasure from anyone else”.
6. What was the most surprising or an eye openning story you encountered while working on this project?.
-It’s not necessarily surprising or eye-opening, but the most difficult stories were the ones where women shared their experiences of sexual violence and the role pornography played in those situations. In fact, there’s an entire chapter in the book dedicated to exploring violence in various forms.
Two women, Lubbner and Joy, shared their stories in particular. They talked about how their intimate partners, possibly both their husbands (I can’t recall), were extremely violent and abusive. These partners used pornography as a means to act out the things they had seen, making these experiences even more traumatic.
These stories were undoubtedly the toughest to hear. Interestingly, I have worked at a rape crisis center, so I have spoken to many women about their experiences of sexual violence. However, it wasn’t just that. It was also a challenge for me to reconcile these experiences with women who claimed that pornography had helped them explore their own sexuality. It was difficult to navigate because I had heard women express both perspectives.
I wanted to honor and acknowledge both sides, but they were so contradictory, like two opposite ends of a spectrum. On one hand, there was a woman who felt that pornography empowered her to embrace her sexual desires and take control. On the other hand, there was a woman who believed that pornography played a significant role in her experience of sexual violence.
7. What impact do you hope your book will have on readers?
– My main goal with this book is to spark conversations about pornography, especially among women.
I want readers to reflect on their own relationship with porn, whether that means discussing it with others or simply contemplating it on their own. Women are often discouraged from thinking critically about this topic, so I hope to encourage a shift in that mindset.
By prompting individuals to consider why they feel a certain way about pornography and what lies behind those feelings, I aim to foster a more open dialogue among women.
I want readers to ponder the role that porn plays in their lives and consider what changes are necessary to create a healthier space for women in terms of sexuality.
Ultimately, I hope that this book will contribute to expanding the sexual space available to women and paving the way for future generations to have more open discussions about pornography. Regardless of one’s personal experiences or beliefs, I want to create a platform for dialogue and reflection on this important issue.
8. Are there any personal experiences or insights you gained from working on this book that you would like to share with our readers?.
– I believe one of the most remarkable aspects, separate from the topic of pornography, is the incredible ability women have to connect with one another. It was truly eye-opening to see how easily women opened up to me about things they had never even considered before. Unfortunately, there is often conflict, judgment, and competition among women, which stems from societal conditioning.
However, I learned that by creating a non-judgmental space and genuinely listening to a woman’s perspective on a particular topic, we gain a wealth of complex, beautiful, and challenging insights. Despite the limitations imposed on women by society, we have also developed an incredible ability to connect with one another. I believe that nurturing and further developing this ability is crucial if we want to move closer to achieving social and economic equality.
“Pornography has become the dominant force in shaping our understanding of sex, which is highly problematic when we consider the messages it conveys about sex and women’s sexuality”.
9. Do you have any future projects in mind? Are you considering writing another book?.
– I really wish I had the time to think about it. Currently, I’m fully focused on my ongoing project. We’re working on a massive project that examines the police response to rape. It’s not going to be a book, though. Additionally, we’re also working on another project that focuses on the rape crisis movement. These are the kind of things I’m currently involved in. However, when it comes to future plans, I’m really intrigued by how women’s bodies and embodiment have been influenced by various societal factors. My previous academic books explored street harassment and its impact on women’s body image and self-perception. Similarly, my current book on pornography delves into how it affects women’s perception of their bodies and themselves.
One interesting finding from my first project on street harassment was that women are often encouraged to prioritize their external appearance. We tend to think about how we look rather than what our bodies can do. This theme is also present in the discussions around pornography. I’ve had women share their experiences of engaging in sexual activities while being preoccupied with their external appearance. It’s important for us to shift our focus from the external to the internal aspects of our bodies.
Dr. Fiona Vera-Gray, a prominent academic in the UK who focuses on sexual violence. With over ten years of experience in the forefront of the anti-violence against women movement, she is a respected figure in her field. Currently, she holds the position of Reader at the Child and Woman Abuse Studies Unit at London Metropolitan University. Additionally, Dr. Vera-Gray has authored two insightful academic books that delve into the topic of street harassment.
